


how to care for your incompetent boyfriend

by whatcaniwriteinthis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Domesticity, Fluff, Future Fic, Like that's it, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, it's so gross and domestic and i love it, shows up a whole ass year later with starbucks and gross fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 12:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14954990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatcaniwriteinthis/pseuds/whatcaniwriteinthis
Summary: a comprehensive guide by iwaizumi hajime, boyfriend of oikawa tooru renowned vice-captain of japan's national men's volleyball team





	how to care for your incompetent boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> so a whole ass year has passed since my last fic was posted and ofc i return to the scene with some gross gross domestic fluff lmao this is like the only fanfic i completed all of last year. i wasn't writing a lot tbh and a lot of what i did write was original work and/or something i only started and never finished. it's gross and self-indulgent. 
> 
> also shout out to [herimperialpunniness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/herimperialpunniness/pseuds/herimperialpunniness) for reading this and then yelling at me to post it. you're great <3
> 
> okay whatever enjoy

**Step 1: Find something to cook**

Chances are that—despite being an athlete and _annoyingly_ fit—your boyfriend is bad at taking care of himself.

This is true for Hajime. Today he turns on some Busker Busker and scrounges through the kitchen for two full songs, looking for something—anything! —to go in the two eggs he found—in separate parts of the kitchen, for some unholy reason. In the end he finds:

  1. two wrinkly tomatoes that will _not_ be eaten otherwise, not because they’re bad but because they are ugly and Tooru is Picky,
  2. a _sad_ -looking little onion,
  3. some ham slices, and
  4. a single, solitary green chili pepper from that _one_ time Tooru made some—quite frankly—wonderful fish curry.



**Step 2: Prep your ingredients**

This means you have to find your boyfriend’s probably nonexistent utensils. However, Hajime knows Tooru’s flat inside-out. He easily locates Tooru’s one and only knife, which is large and covered with cherry blossoms—a gag gift from Hanamaki—and the misshapen plastic cutting board—one side is slightly melted, thanks to Matsukawa.

Tooru somehow manages to chop as he cooks but Hajime likes a good process. Overlapping steps tend to stress him out. So, he starts with the onions, muttering curses as his eyes automatically water up. But he likes the rhythmic way the knife hit the board to the beat of the music and, soon, he’s done.

 

**Step 3: Heat your pan**

This step has the bonus step of _finding_ the fucking pan. Hajime isn’t even sure if this really is Tooru’s pan or a pan he borrowed from the neighbors and just forgot to return.

As this happens, Hajime looks for the coach-approved oil that Tooru hates. He pours a spoonful into the pan and swirls it around.

 

**Step 4: Cook the extras**

Hajime is making scrambled eggs. He could tell himself it’s going to be an omelet but he knows that he’s going to mess up the flip, so he might as well say they’ll be scrambled from the beginning.

First the onions. For a while, Hajime wonders when to add the ham but by the time he’s come to a conclusion, the onions have already browned. Whatever. They taste nice. Tooru can deal. In goes the ham.

Hajime adds the green chili later and waits until they turn bright green, which only really takes a few seconds. Then he adds the tomatoes. Steam rises from the pan and Hajime fans it away, coughing.

 

**Step 5: Add the eggs.**

Hajime cracks three eggs into the pan and breaks up the yolk. He tilts the pan, allowing the egg to spread.

Hajime’s stomach lets out a rumble. _Goddamn, cooking takes so damn long._

**Step 6: Flip the egg.**

Here is where, if Hajime was a more ambitious man, he would try to flip the entire thing. Hajime is moderately ambitious, but not _stupid_. Instead, he cuts it up and turns over the individual pieces. Then he cuts it up some more and hums along to Busker Busker’s cheery spring tunes.

 

**Step 7: Realize you forgot salt and pepper.**

Of course, this can only happen _after_ your eggs are completely cooked. Hajime slaps himself on the forehead. “ _Fuck_.” he groans.

**Step 8: Heavily butter some toast.**

This should, hopefully, cover up the lack of salt in the eggs. Hajime knows Tooru’s coach would throw a hissy fit if he knew but, honestly, a little too much butter once in a while never destroyed anyone’s career. He’s kept everything else healthy and low in oil; this just balances it out. Besides, Hajime _knows_ Kageyama has at least three pork buns a day and Hinata too. Tooru’s only the one that follows the diet plan strictly.

 

**Step 9: Make some coffee.**

Hajime _hates_ coffee. He hasn’t drank the stuff since college and the monstrosity that he and Hanamaki invented to get though all-nighters: a shot of alcohol—usually vodka—in pure black coffee mixed with so much sugar his pancreas is still recovering. For some unholy reason, Tooru still manages to enjoy coffee—the pure stuff that too. Tooru drinks his coffee _black_ , usually with only a spoon of sugar.

 

**Step 10: Wake up your boyfriend.**

Good fucking luck.

Tooru is _not_ a morning person, surprising absolutely no one. Hajime has learnt a few tricks over the years though.

Hajime sits down near Tooru’s torso and kisses his forehead. Tooru stirs slowly and a slightly goofy grin spreads across his face. Hajime brushes a thumb across his cheekbone, gentle in a way they rarely are in public. Tooru presses up against Hajime’s hand, like a cat, and lets out a humming noise.

“Good morning.” Hajime says softly, moving his hand to brush through Tooru’s hair. Tooru blinks slowly up at Hajime, expression soft and fond.

“Good mornin’,” he replies, voice deep and sleepy. He links a hand around Hajime’s neck and pulls him in for a long, slightly awkward kiss.

When they pull away, Hajime takes a moment to appreciate Oikawa’s expression: a little spaced out, very happy, and attractive as always. “I made you breakfast.” Hajime says quietly.

“Mmm,” Tooru hums appreciatively. He squirms a little, arms still around Hajime’s neck. “What did I do to deserve you?” He asks, tone a little awed and a little self-deprecating at the same time.

“So much.” Hajime mumbles and then kisses him again. As he pulls away Tooru follows him, trying to get another kiss. “Go brush your teeth.” he orders. Tooru sticks out his tongue.

 

**Step 11: Set the table.**

Hajime needs to find plates and forks and hopefully cups or something. He manages and splits the eggs and toast as Tooru brushes his teeth. He sticks a cup of water into the microwave to boil and then drops in a tea bag.

Tooru skips into the kitchen, properly awake, and kisses Hajime again, breath minty fresh. They end up making out slowly, Hajime with the counter pressing uncomfortably into his back and Tooru clutching his face like it might disappear. Hajime pulls away as his stomach rumbles. “Let’s eat.”

Tooru sighs, sounding put-out, but pulls away after one last slow kiss.

 

 **Step 12: Enjoy**.

Tooru smiles at Hajime from across the table and Hajime feels himself blush a little, like they’re in high school again.

“Thank you!” Tooru sings, rubbing a foot up Hajime’s ankle.

“Anytime.” Hajime responds. He lets Tooru’s foot stay there, feeling warm and happy.

“I love you.” Tooru whispers, like it’s a precious secret.

Hajime smiles and ducks his head and blushes again. He whispers back, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> here is where i plug shit follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/gotdamnittt) for some quality quality bts memes and/or on [tumblr](http://probablypartiallyinsane.tumblr.com/) for some noice regular memes okay bye <3


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